6/21/2023 0 Comments Minding my business but payBut without strong boundaries, it can end up draining your energy and lead to resentment. Helping others is of course a really natural, positive impulse and a sign that you’re an empathetic person. This discomfort with difference can lead us to try to change that person’s mind, get involved in their business, and before you know it, you’re swirling away in their emotional whirlpool. ‘Especially if it mirrors a sense of being in the “wrong” group.’ ‘However, those low in self-worth or social belongingness might feel triggered by difference,’ notes Maddie. If you’re in a pretty good place emotionally and mentally, seeing someone make different choices or hold very different beliefs from us might be annoying or confusing, but it ultimately doesn’t feel like a big deal. Of course, sometimes when we compare ourselves to others, it can bring that sense of belonging we crave. Social media doesn’t help, as it actively encourages us to measure ourselves against the appearance, likes and follower counts of others. We’ve all heard the saying, ‘ comparison is the thief of joy’, but it’s very difficult to avoid it completely, as it’s such a natural part of being human. ‘ Social comparison theory suggests that people derive an important aspect of their worth based on how they compare to others,’ explains Dr Maddie. It helps us feel less alone.’īecause we have this deep need to feel like we belong, other people’s lives are incredibly interesting to us, and there’s an urge to compare ourselves with others to measure how well we belong to the group. ‘Relational beings need connection and so it’s comforting to know that other people experience similar life issues. ‘We are relational beings – other people’s problems tend to reflect and validate our own humanity,’ says counselling psychologist Dr Maddie Saunders. Overthinking, meddling and judging are all ways our brains try to feel like we’re in control – even when we’re not. Put simply, if you have a subconscious belief that other people’s emotions are your responsibility, the prospect of other people experiencing difficult emotions triggers a desire to feel some kind of control over the situation.
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